The Gift of Denial

What is denial?

denial

2 entries found.

1. denial
2. self–denial

Pronunciation:
\di-ˈnī(-ə)l, dē-\
Function:
noun


1: refusal to satisfy a request or desire
2 a (1): refusal to admit the truth or reality (as of a statement or charge)

2: assertion that an allegation is false
b: refusal to acknowledge a person or thing : disavowal

3: the opposing by the defendant of an allegation of the opposite party in a lawsuit

4: self-denial

5: negation in logic

6: a psychological defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality
— in denial
refusing to admit the truth or reality of something unpleasant - a patient in denial about his health problems.

I wish to focus on definitions 2-a, 2-b, #5 and #6.

Admittedly, denial gets a bad rap in our society. Denial, or "being in denial" has in our culture, taken on a negative stigma.

When told, "You're in denial" the implications are:

You're dishonest with yourself and others.

You're a coward who can't face the truth.

You're potentially so ignorant that you can't recognize the truth.

You can't even face your own cowardly and ignorant capacity for denial.

You're the problem.

You're the reason for the problem.

You're at least part of the problem and not the solution.

Being in denial is sometimes considered an active or passive form of resistance toward those brave and honorable souls who "face the truth". Being in denial can be construed as passive aggressive behavior. People in denial can often be blamed for everything that's wrong with our lives, our society and our world. It's easy to imagine that we're all in denial, to some degree, about something.


There's more of course, but that's enough to get the idea.

Let's assume, for the moment, that all the criticisms of denial are valid.

Despite all that's "bad and wrong" about denial, would so many of us practice it so freely and diligently without a payoff? No.

In all fairness, let's not deny the considerable value of denial.

Let's reflect upon and acknowledge the genuine rewards of denial. Let's look at the obvious advantages of "refusing to admit or acknowledge the truth about an unpleasant problem or reality".


Denial allows us to avoid bad feelings.

By denying an unpleasant reality, problem, challenge, limitation or neglected moral obligation, we don't have to feel bad about it. Feeling bad is something we all understandably want to avoid.

Denial saves time. Much time and effort and upset goes into squarely facing what are (or might be) unpleasant realities.

Denial allows us to be happier. When we're not feeling bad about things, we're generally happier.

Denial enables us to be more "fun to be around". People in denial can be lots more fun than people who are burdened with the often disturbing (even depressing) weight of facing unpleasant realities.

Denial liberates us from so much extra worry. There are already enough things that we can't deny, presented in our faces, every day. To confront things that we can deny only adds to our worries.

Denial makes us healthier. Denial minimizes stress. Stress is known to weaken the immune system and subject us to increased dis-ease.

Denial may let us live longer. By being less stressed, less worried, our overall health is potentially increased and thus we may live longer.

Denial may make us less critical or judgmental toward others. If we are not conscious of flaws and/or shortcomings within ourselves, we may not see them in others. This would enable us to see others, as we see ourselves, as being A-OK.

These are a few examples of why denial is a good thing. I'm sure there are more.

We each live only so long. There's only so much that we can do. To take on the burden of feeling bad about the problems and challenges that face the world, (particularly if we believe that we can't do anything to correct it) only brings us down. What's the point in that?

If we don't know or acknowledge that something exists, if we deny it's existence, then for us, in fact, it does not exist. If I don't know of the existence of the snow leopard, then for me, there is no snow leopard. The same principle applies to all of reality. If I don't know it or can effectively disavow it, then for me it does not exist and I am not affected by it.

Is there anything wrong with focusing on the wonderful elements of reality as we perceive them? Is there really any reason to incorporate the unpleasant if we don't have to? Why not deal only with what's right in front of us? Why not simply find the good in everything and focus on that good? Why shouldn't we avoid thoughts and feelings, information and perspectives that make us unhappy?

Example: We find a good sale on T-Shirts. Wonderful, soft, white cotton T-Shirts at a great price. What could possibly be bad about that?

Well, if you don't deny that cotton is one of the most herbicide, pesticide and chemical dependent crops on the planet - that might bother you.

If you don't deny that most of the people making the T-Shirts are paid sub-poverty wages in appalling sweatshops, near slavery, abusive conditions - that might bother you.

If you don't deny that cotton crops are largely owned by giant Agri-Corps that are destroying the planet with pollutants, poisoning air and rivers and seas, driving small farm families off their land and into the very sweatshops that make the T-Shirts - that might bother you.

If you don't deny that by supporting the Agri-corps you're enabling them to give more money to politicians who will do their bidding at the expense of the people they've been elected to represent - that might bother you.

If you don't deny that you're perpetuating the "dollars for policies" practices of corporations and politicians, and that those practices and policies reach across the entire spectrum of government and have adverse effects upon everyone on the planet - that might bother you.

And so it goes. And so it goes.

So not being in denial ruins the wonderful feeling of slipping into a brand new 100% cotton T-Shirt. Why would we do that to ourselves when we can't stop the Agri-corps, or the politicians?

Or, can we? Suppose we were to boycott all the things in the consumer food chain that are created and marketed in bad ways, by greedy people?

We have the power of the vote. We have the power of choice. We can choose to refuse participation in consumption that harms people and planets.

Well, let's deny that for a moment. We can just say: Sure What are we gonna do? Live in the mud? Unless we earned enough money in the very same system of corruption we're objecting to, to buy our land outright, we're either going to be trespassing or renting from someone else who supports the "evil" system.If we do own our patch of mud outright, we still must pay property taxes to the evil system or they'll take away our patch of mud.

Be naked? I guess we could lash fallen leaves or grass fibers into clothing. Good enough perhaps for summer. What of winter? Back to buying clothes, or wearing the skins of other mammals who've been murdered and stripped of their own skins.

Eat grubs and grass? Try it for a week, I dare you. Walk everywhere and carry everything on your back? Try it for a week. I dare you.

Should we refuse our children any and all amenities like clothes, food, transportation, books, medicine, education and entertainment?

Well then am I a hypocrite! Oh my god! If I'm a hypocrite about this stuff, what else am I a hypocrite about? Jesus Christ! I'm a hypocrite!

Damn! Let's deny all that and just wear the T-Shirt and shut up! It's an unjust world. It's not fair. That's just the way it is. Be grateful for what you have. Be thankful that you and your children aren't working in one of those sweatshops for 10 cents a day.

But why me? Why am I one of the lucky ones? Who knows? Maybe it's "God's Will". Stop worrying about it. Enjoy your life. Once you open the mind to all the elements, once you stop being in denial, everything sucks!

All of the stress in the scenarios above comes from not being able to deny or disavow one's role or responsibility in something as simple as a T-Shirt.

Damn, it feels soooo good to forget about it all. It feels soooo good, to deny it and just enjoy this new T-Shirt. How can feeling soooo good, be a bad thing?

Embrace denial. Denial is the key to happiness. If you try to hold all the truths in one moment, if you try to account for everything that comes together to create reality, if you try to be responsible and accountable and honest about it all, you may well lose your sanity. What good will you be to yourself, your family or society then, huh?

Denial is your friend. Denial keeps people from imploding. Denial will help you get up in the morning and feel like every thing's going to be OK. Denial will help you believe that life has purpose and meaning. Denial numbs the pain of consciousness. Sometimes a good stiff double shot of denial is just what the doctor ordered.

Denial keeps us sane.

I just might arrange a "denial party" for all my friends. We'll get together and see how great if feels to simply deny anything and everything that might keep us from feeling good and having fun. Wow... We'll have a great time. I think we could all use a party like that.

And for now, I'm just gonna slide into this freakin' T-Shirt and forget about it.

Yeah! I like that a lot!